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I am the Ponderer!

Do you remember that song, “I Am the Wanderer”? It was from the Sixties or so, it goes on about a guy that feels the need to wander whenever he gets too close to someone. Well, I don’t have the exact same problem, although I do feel I have the soul of a traveler, no I need to wander just not when I get too close to someone.

I need to wander; I need to see what is around the bend for I am always imagining what is there. I imagine what it would be like to visit this place and see that area; I imagine all the interesting and wonderful people I will meet, even the homeless ones that other people would rather walk over than talk to. For it is those experiences that I treasure.
I grew up reading quite a bit, I was an only child to a flight attendant; I had a father growing up but he died when I was but eleven years old. Needless to say I was alone quite a bit. For me, though, it really wasn’t that bad. I had friends but I also had my imagination, stories and my bicycle to get me through it. It was with these things that I could go anywhere! Not only would I ride my bike ten miles across town but I would journey across the country or the globe, imagining the stories that I would eventually make for myself.

This has carried on all the way to where I am now, I still have more passion for my bicycle than is probably healthy and my imagination has yet to slow down even a bit. What has changed though is instead of me dreaming up a trip where I am riding a horse across the plain in search of that lost cow I am now seeing myself cycling through the high mountains on my way to the coast. You see it’s still there, it has simply evolved.

When I was about Sixteen years old I knew this older man who I would go on rides with; he was an awesome guy if not a bit odd, but engineers often are different than the rest of us. He, however, is one of the people responsible for getting me hooked on bike racing, he would tell me stories of him back in the day racing on the track, putting it all out there on the line to the point where you have to KNOW that you will win, otherwise you are simply the first loser.
One time we were at a race and we were rolling around, warming up, and discussing the agenda for the race. I started to look at different situations objectively, weighing the pros and cons of doing this rather than that when all of a sudden he broke my train of thought with an exclamation. “Zac,” he said, “You think too much, stop thinking. In a race you must learn to not think, just do. If you over think a situation you will miss the opportunity to take the win.”
This sage advice, from an old Jewish engineer from Rochester New York, has stuck with me to this day.

Still, I have a tendency to over think things; I try to listen to what my heart tells me but I always have this fear that I will make the wrong choice. What if I make this decision and down the road the latter choice was best? Ugh! Sometimes, it simply destroys me.
This is why this blog is called The Ponderer’s Musings and I am called The Pondering Guey, for I am the Pondering Fool, I think till all the choices are gone.

Now, my heart is strong and gets stronger everyday for everyday I learn to listen to its inherent knowledge more and more.

If I can simply learn to balance the two I will be perfect, no?
Now go out into the world dear readers and do what the song says, Listen to Your Heart!

Life Ride

Yesterday I rode out to the other side of town to join a group ride, which is always something I look forward to, with the intention of riding for at least 100 miles. In cycling circles riding a hundred miles is called a Century, like a century is a hundred years. And doing this is considered a turning point in every cyclist’s life.
Riding a century requires a good deal of preparation; it requires a great amount of food, both before the ride, during and especially after; it requires you to be rested; but, it also requires you to have the determination to do it, to keep going even when you are at mile 60 or 70 and are starting to feel your muscles become tired.
Determination is a thing that is required to do anything in life, unfortunately a good deal of people lack it. I know this because I see it in people, and I am able to see it because I too lack determination.
Does this relegate us to never succeeding in life? No! In fact I believe this puts us at an advantage for we know and understand our shortcomings and can then overcome them and be better because of it.
This ride that we are all on, Life, is just like a Century! There are times when you want to give up or you think you can’t go on, but you simply must keep going. If you come to a rise and it is suddenly too difficult you can look at this “hill” as a negative, something to be feared or you can take it as something that will make you stronger.
There is an organized Century ride that happens here in Texas every August, and it is arguably one of the most popular Century rides in the Nation and it annually attracts tens of thousands of people. I, however, have never been attracted to it. Why? I feel it’s too boring, perhaps even too easy! It is completely flat! Why would someone want that?
It’s just like my distaste for an “ordinary” and uneventful life. It might be easier and you might live longer but what monotony! Where is the challenge of the hill-climb or the thirty five mile an hour wind that is blowing straight at you? If there is no challenge then you will never be as strong as you truly could be.

Training Plan

I think the thing I love so much about the bicycle is the fact that it is at time so solitary. Even when you are with other people you are still alone; alone with your pain, suffering or joy. This is not to say that others are not feeling the same thing, though, because usually they are. Look at a group of cyclists going up a hill, they are all in pain but each of them hides it from the other as much as they can. People, from my experiences, don’t want to show others when they are struggling, they might break down and do so but they will wait as long as possible.

Like a bike ride, life and our interconnectivity with others is all about what we decide to show. Do you want to lay it all out on the table or do you want to keep some in?

Do you even want to ride with people? It has been said that you can get the most targeted training when you are alone and so it is with others. If you feel that there are things that are lacking maybe it would be best to get out there and do some of those lonely miles. It might be best to raise your personal bar back up before you set out to hang with the group again.

Isn't it all about the journey?

It has been said, often and by many, that life is all about the journey rather than the destination. But, is it?

The thought of a final destination is something that keeps most people heading in the right direction. They need the goal of a family to support or a woman to impress or simply the fact that they want to be able to do whatever it is they want to drive them forward. That is perfectly fine, I am quite a goal oriented person myself, but this can not take precedence over self can it?

What is "self"? That is simply what I call anything that you do simply for the joy of doing it. Stopping to look at the bird or eating your lunch by the fountain instead of inside the building.

There are those of us, however, that need to do a little bit more. Perhaps they feel the need to go outside their box, the community that they are surrounded by. Or perhaps it is a need to step out of the comfort zone, get a sweat and feel a bit of adrenaline. Whatever, it's all the same.

You see, both the person that is sitting under the tree daydreaming of becoming a squirrel and the guy that feels the need to ride his bicycle across the country are essentially the same person doing the same thing for the same reason.

So go pleasure yourself! Find something to do that is just for you, to either submerse yourself in thought or lose it all together. :)

What am I listening to?

For why cannot I have the life which I desire, all I need is a plan and the desire to accomplish it. This is the mindset which I follow, always positive and thinking in the now/future sense. With planning and drive coupled with intelligence and the knowing that you can do “it”, anything is within your grasp.

I feel that bicycle commuting can not only do the obvious of helping the environment, reducing the carbon footprint, agitating the ‘straights’” but it can also be a therapeutic outlet. It amazes me how often I can be stressed out from work or school or not be quite awake enough in the morning and then I’ll get on the bike and run an errand or come home and it’ll magically work itself out. Remember that cycling is an incredible endurance sport and can unlock hidden fat cells and thereby toxins which can unleash a wave of pleasure inducing chemicals, all of which are nice to have in the blood stream before a long day at work!

...

"who the fuck knows man who cares its for right now either take advantage of the situation or move the fuck out of the way such is life"

~Random Muttering

Let's Go Ride a Bike

There is a pet project that I have had floating around my head for the past year and a half or so.  It deals with the idea of cycling in the suburbs instead of driving.  I know, trust me I know, this seems to be a crazy idea; suburbanites ditching their SUV's in favor of Sport Utility Bicycles?  Preposterous!

I know this, I have been riding a bike instead of driving a car for the past three years.  I've gotten it all, from being called a fag,  I really don't think I look like a cigarette when on my bike; to having rednecks throw beer bottles at me, fortunately they missed; even being forced off the road by a truck, caught that ass hole at the light and let him have a piece of my mind!  So all this has happened and yet I still do it, why?  because I love to ride my bike!  I really am obsessed with it, it is a passion of mine and I truly believe that if everyone comes out on a ride with me they'd feel the same way.

So here I am in Texas of all places, home of cheap gas and big trucks, and I continue commuting by bike.  And you know what?  People are starting to come over to the pedal side, albeit slowly, and it really is amazing.

Perfect example, last summer I was riding my bike 12 miles each way to go to class Monday through Thursday and had this been any other summer I would have simply been made fun of to no end every time I rode up.  The difference, though, was that particular summer was the summer of the expensive gas.  The price at the pump shot up to $4.50 a gallon, even more in some areas.  Now with this in mind think about what started going through these kids' heads when I would pull up on my bike, "Whoa, I would save so much money if I rode my bike to class"!

So the same asshole kids that always made fun of me for riding a bike instead of playing football all of a sudden changed tack and started asking me questions like "What route do you take", "What is the best bike to use", and my personal favorite "Man, I've got this old bike in my parents garage that I haven't ridden since Jr High, do you think you could fix it up for me?".  I absolutely love it!

It really is about time though, there are many- innumerable- benefits that can be had simply by replacing a car with a bike and I believe that right now our civilization is at a tipping point where it could really jump on this and ride into a new era.

Just look at us though, our country is an awesome place but come on; CHRONIC Obesity, Diabetes, gas prices, and green house gasses.  America is looking for an answer for these problems so why not give them a bike to ride?

First Class Ticket to a new Perspective...

Relaxing is a lot harder that you’d think it would be.  I am coming home from California today and I think I’m ready to hit it.  My goal for this trip was to rediscover how to be me and to see that I am a great person, well I was incredibly successful.

                There are times in life when something happens and you lose your confidence, it is the way that you bounce back that is all that matters.  People have to remain both positive and have faith in there being, we can control our own destiny and we are the only ones with the power to make things happen.

                You must be able to look at yourself in the morning and not just say but know that you can do whatever it is in life that you actually work toward.

                Life is like the City by the Bay in that it is all about walking up steep hills and skipping down them, do not let yourself get bogged down and give up for you will miss all the joy that life has to offer.

Gotta make time for yourself...

What Would Janis Do?

 

 

Janis Joplin once said to an unnamed man, “Now come take it!  Come take another little piece of my heart now baby!”  Now to the layman out there in Cloud-land that might mean that every person you get involved with will take a small chunk of your heart and you will be left with that much less.  Well, to that argument I disagree, I think that they will in fact take a piece of your heart but it will be as if they take a piece of what you are with them.

When you become involved with another person you can’t help but influence them in some way, positively or negatively, you give them a piece of your soul.

What does this mean?  I believe that if you look at life this way that it gives you a certain power over another person.  But as Peter Parker’s uncle once said, “With great power comes great responsibility” and you must be certain that you use this wisely.  Make sure that you only give people good things; raise them up, never ever tear them down.  Give them tools to use in the future and they will.

The Theory of Universal Energy states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed but it can be manipulated to either be positive or negative. 

So not only can you influence other people but you can also learn to influence yourself.  You have to learn to look at your own life in the third person.  Realize that you have control over how you interpret things; you both give out and receive energy.  You have the power to interpret the world around you and make it be whatever you want it to be, so why not make it positive?

Being positive isn’t something that just happens one day.  You have to work on it every day without fail, no exceptions.  If you do so and you don’t allow the negativity to stay with you then only good things will happen to you.  There is a frame of reference that is imperative here, though, because shit will always fall on you, that is just a part of life.  However, you can learn something from even the most horrible of events and if that happens then you have improved yourself.  That is positive.

Life is about perspective; all levels of life, whether you are dealing with people, places or things.  The goal of life should be to keep that perspective wholly positive.

Take that piece of my heart with you and enjoy. 

Journey of Self Determination or: How To Regain Controll of My Universe By Letting Go

There always seems to come a moment when a person realizes they have to move on and, at times, this is known but ignored.  But, what if this is known but ignored?  Hope, my friends, can be a very dangerous thing.  Sometimes you have to take a step back and look at the situation objectively.

                At this very moment I am sitting in a seat that is hurtling through the sky at 36,000 feet.  I am headed to Vancouver British Columbia.  I decided about a month ago that I was going to take a trip and here I am.  I am going to this city for, for what?  Adventure, self discovery, to get laid, I’m not really sure.  I do know that I have basically no idea what is in store for me, except for the idea of simply meeting people and experiencing “things”.

                Last night I was sitting in a smoky bar with a very dear friend of mine and after complaining about recent events I thought “what the hell is wrong with you?  You are an amazing person and people love you, even the people that don’t like you love you!”  It was at that moment that I made a vow to myself to go out and be happy and enjoy myself and all the people and “things” that I encounter.

                In about an hour I will walk off of this plane and onto Canadian soil and with that revelation in mind I will explore this new city.  Fuck being sad, screw sulking around, I am an amazing individual; I am going to succeed at anything I try.  Now, let’s go exploring!!!

This was written on the plane to Vancouver

The Following was written on the plane out of Vancouver, just after the Canadian government denied me entry...

Today I saw what was perhaps one of the most beautiful sights that I have ever had the fortune to behold.  It was as I sat, once again, at 35,000 feet in the sky, this time though returning from Vancouver, and yes it is the same day as the last flight.  What was this vision of beauty?  It was the northern coast of California blanketed by a mix of fog and a sunset that had all the colors of the rainbow; amazing.

                Why, though, am I returning from Vancouver so soon?  Wasn’t this to be the trip where I experience the greatness of both “things” and people?  Wasn’t this to be the trip where I crashed on random people’s couches?  Wasn’t this to be the week of backpacking, homelessness and possible debauchery, in Canada?

                Well yes, unfortunately the Canadian government didn’t like the idea of me being a bum in this their most precious and beautiful city.  So here I am, back on a plane and heading to the city that I almost stayed in the first place.

                Actually, though, I almost got discouraged and headed back to Texas.  Fortunately for me though I got a window seat and a free glass of wine from the flight attendant! 

                Yes, you did indeed hear right, I almost gave up and headed home, hard to believe, I know, especially after reading my previous post.  But yes my dear readers, even I, the Eternal Optimist, gets discouraged sometimes.

                However, I return to Golden Frisco with renewed spirits, thanks in part to distilled spirits, with a new energy.  I am taking this as an opportunity to do exactly what I set out to do; meet people, experience life, and think on my feet and to make the most of EVERY situation that comes in front of me.

                So tonight, dear readers, as you settle into whatever it is that you do at night I will be settling in to a night in the airport terminal.  Waiting for the sun to once again rise and bring in the warmth, and in this case fog and start my day.  Where will I end up tomorrow?  What will I get into?  Walks on the beach, a stroll across the Golden Gate Bridge, maybe even a picnic on one of Frisco’s famous Tar Beaches?

                Goodnight! 

Perception is Reality

A professor I had once told me that if you put five people together in a room and have something happen, then ask them to recall details of the incident,  you will find that none of those people can remember the same details.  In fact the details may be so skewed that it will appear that they all saw completely different things.  

The way that we perceive things, or even how we see the world around us, says a lot about who we are as a person.  And knowing this, and that no two people will see the same thing in the same exact way where does this leave us?  How are we supposed to get along with others when we cant even see the same thing?

Ugh, this semester is almost over, thank the Universe!  Man it has been a trip for sure.  

What from having the idea of losing my job due to the economy hanging over my head among other things and culminating with breaking up with the woman I fell in love with and me moving out of our apartment I think I'm ready for a vacation!

Ahh yes so the semester is closing and I will have a 16 day break before my first summer session.

Exciting, now what is a Journeyman Wanderer/Ponderer to do?  Go to Canada!

I am going to clue everyone (no one?) that is reading this to a little secret, I like going on trips, not just trips though but adventures.  Maybe it's because I grew up riding my bike from city to city, or the fact my mom is a flight attendant, I don't know.  Nothing gets me as excited as the thought of going somewhere new.   

What do YOU do when you go to a new city?  Do you go to the same old touristy places and the flashy restaurants where the servers sing to you and write their names on the table?  I surely hope not!  There is a show that locals give to tourists, it's the same old song and dance that they give all the tourists that float through as they try to get your money.

That is what it comes down to, if you go somewhere as a "Tourist" you will NEVER see the real people.  I once read that if you go somewhere as a tourist the natives dance FOR you but if you go and walk through the communities as a person you will dance WITH them.

What is the difference?  How do you become a person and not a tourist?  Well it's really not very hard.

First off dump the ego, dump the flash, get rid of all the thoughts that you have about the people and the place that you will be visiting.  Never go somewhere with preconcieved notions of how a people are going to behave.  Don't sterotype, if you do you will be written off so quickly that your head will spin.

So there is my Travel Doctrine.  Now what will I do with it?  Well my plan is to jump on a plane and head to Vancouver.  What will I do when I get there you ask, well I'm not really sure.

I do know that my goal is to NOT pay for lodging.  For a week.  I might end up sleeping in a park or Squatting at UBC or meeting random people and staying with them.  I don't know!!!!  

This trip will go down along side the 33 hours I speent in Maui and the 24 I spent in New Orleans, which was really nice and is where the picture is from.

So wish me luck guys and don't be afraid to get out of your comfort zone a little!  You'll never appreciate things as much or have the possibilities if you don't.

First post: Dealing with the downs is just like riding a bike in the rain.

Ahh, this day has been interesting thus far.  I got to work LATE this morning because I forgot to set my alarm then I take my glasses to the optometrist to get them tightened and they BREAK them!  

This has been very unfortunate because I am actually having a great day.  I just got done signing a lease for a year at a new apt, very cool.  More about that; I have never lived by myself before and, excluding one relationship that ended up going to crap, have never been one to plan that long-term.

Yeah, so this lease is something of a symbol for the new era that The Ponderer is moving into.  Uh oh, did I go crazy there?

Things have happened in the past year that have totally changed the way I think about myself in relation to other people.  I had a "crash course" in relationships as it were.

This ended very badly, I was hurt more than I thought possible.  How could one person hurt me so badly simply by telling me that they no longer wanted to be with me?  Downer...

Really this was quite unfortunate, I thought- no, I KNEW that whatever it was that we had/have is an incredibly special thing.  Oh well as they say, only time will tell what will come of this particular situation.  

Anyway, moving on, life loves to throw you a curve whenever you feel too comfortable.  Or it might throw you so many that you wind up going down a spiral.  Either way, you can look at these things and take them a couple different ways.  

You can a) Freak out and get so discouraged that you think everything sucks and will always suck.

b) Go on with life and forget.

or c) Take what can from the situation, even though it might suck, and better yourself.

Really it's just like riding a bike, as most things in life are, there are the great days where you go out and the weather is beautifull and everyone is out and there are the "crappy" rainy days.  I love going out for a good long ride on those days if only because when the people passing you in cars look at you they give you that "Oh wow that guy is hard-core/crazy/determined" look.

The past years, riding a bike and commuting by bike have taught me a couple things.  The first is about the weather, it is always changing and if you look at it closely enough there is both beauty and joy in it all.  From the sauna-like inferno of august to the hail storms and downpours of spring.

Take everything life gives you and look at it closer, no matter how bad you think something is there is always that "silver lining" that the old people talk about.  

Whether it's getting a list of exactly what sucks about you or walking out the front door when suddenly the sky opens up and drops a torrent of water right just as you have to ride to school, take some time to analyze the situation and find it's own unique beauty.  Even riding a bike when you are sopping wet can be a joy if you give in to it...